Have you seen that Elite Daily article floating around social media? 17 Reasons I’m Single, or something like that. I’ve probably read it at some point, but I don’t really need an article to tell me why I’m single. I know. And in just a few minutes, you will, too.
I went on a lunch date earlier this week, and here are the things I liked about it:
1) Lunch is super non-committal and something to look forward to during the day.
2) We met online (it was kind of an accident; I’m in one of my online dating sabbaticals), but he didn’t ask for my last name or press for where I worked. I could revel in my pretend anonymity.
3) He was very sweet and even prayed over our meal.
Here are the things I did not like about it:
1) It was boring.
I realized almost immediately that this guy and I were not going to work out. (In case he ever reads this, which I hope does not happen because he really was kind to me, let me clarify that there was nothing wrong with him. It just wasn’t a good match.)
Unfortunately, Jon (not his real name, duh) didn’t realize the same thing. He wanted a second date, and after much debate as to whether or not it’s kinder to go on a second date in the name of giving it the ol’ college try or to cut the losses from the beginning, I declined. But, I’ve been reflecting on why our feelings were apparently so different, and I’ve come to this conclusion:
He liked me because I was myself with him.
I was myself with him because I did not like him.
All you married people out there may not relate to this, but if you can think WAY back to those awkward dating years, maybe you’ll recall the nerves of meeting someone new and the stress of trying to think of things to say. I rarely am at a loss for words, but put me around a guy that I’m interested in, and suddenly I can’t think of a single thing. Usually, this leads to me rambling about myself and other inane topics, just to fill the silence. I’ve even been known to start talking about past dates – not because I want to, but because I get nervous and like a runaway train, I cannot stop myself. With one guy I really liked, I actually made a list of questions and pulled it out on our dates, since otherwise my mind went blank, leaving the runaway train to do what it does best – plow through all boundaries and good sense, taking my dignity with it.
If I’m not interested, though, the poor guy gets friend zoned automatically, and then there’s no pressure. I can talk all day to a friend about the weather, the NFL, why I don’t like professional basketball, my favorite places to travel and states I’ve lived in…you name it. I can be charming and witty and friendly and inquisitive – all the things that I would LOVE to be, you know, when I actually like a guy. It’s my tell – if I’m talking to you about interesting things, I’m not interested. Poor Jon didn’t know how to read the signs.
So, that’s why I’m single, guys. I’ve wondered for 30 years, but one lunch date opened my eyes: I am still a 13 year old girl when it comes to talking to boys. I want a nice bow to tie on this post – a moral to the story. But, I do not have one. I may quite possibly be doomed…but, at least I had a cute outfit! (Another perk to a lunch date: you can wear whatever you want, dressed up or down, and blame it on coming straight from work.)
What about you? If you’re single, do you have a dead give-away that you’re not interested? Those of you in relationships – were you awkward the first time you went out with your significant other, or am I the only one still trapped in middle school? Also, do you have tips for not being awkward? Because I could use some of those…