So, I’ve started trying to date in Nashville. I say started trying for two reasons:

  1. I had previously been on a few dates, but I wasn’t really looking to actually date then – they were isolated incidents.
  2. Trying is really the key word here. The process is slow.

I joined Match.com again, in hopes of a better pool. I still think Tinder is the most efficient way to meet people, and by and large, Tinder guys are more attractive than on any other dating app/site. However, while I don’t think finding someone who shares my values and actually wants a relationship is impossible on Tinder, I figured my odds were a little better on a paid site. So, because the guys on EHarmony are weird, and the ones on Christian Mingle insist on referencing the Proverbs 31 woman in every profile, Match.com was the obvious choice.

The unfortunate side of Match is that anyone can message you, regardless of how much they do/do not fit within your desired parameters. This leads to a lot of annoying, but sometimes entertaining, messages. Below is an actual transcript of a man who messaged me Easter morning. Since he lives in a different state than me, I didn’t reply…later, I realized the depth of this wisdom, as the following happened around 5:00 Easter afternoon (his comments are noted with a B; mine with an S.)

B: Wow, u are stunning

B: There is zero chance ur single

B: Ur smile is incredible

B: storms are blowing in onto the lake like crazy. So romantic

B: I got the offer of a life time at work tonight

B: so excited. Huge money.

(Next are a series of messages not recorded because apparently Match only stores so many and I hadn’t screenshotted the middle part. It included his number.)

B: Call me

B: I’m a Christian

B: I’m a good man

B: Please take a chance

B: No ?

B: Damn I don’t even know ur name

B: Ur choice

B: Want me to leave u alone ?

B: Good bye pretty girl

B: That’s a yes

B: U never say anything

B: I can’t call?

B: Girl let me treat u like a princess

B: Say something please

B: So completely smitten

B: I don’t think ur interested in being treated like a princess’s

B: Call me

B: Can u please just call me

B: No?

B: I need to hear from u

And that’s where the messages ended. If you noticed an absence of S: comments, that’s because there were none. B was determined, though, and the one-sided conversation continued for about three hours. I kinda felt bad for him in a general sense, but I can’t engage with that. Also, what if I had legitimately been busy? He was assuming I was on my phone reading these messages in my inbox in real time (I was), but what if I’d been at church or for a run – or on a different date?

So, that’s what dating these days is, folks. Wish me luck…

Really, though, I’m (somewhat) optimistic. The pool may not be awesome, but it’s certainly better than in small town, Georgia, and, as my mother always says much to my annoyance/eye rolls, “it only takes one.” Plus, I’m talking to a guy right now who used the word “egregious” correctly in a sentence, so the future is looking bright.

Have you ever been the recipient of these kinds of non-stop (or otherwise troublesome) messages on Match/dating sites? Do you ignore like I do, or do you respond – and if so, how? (I read an article about a girl who messaged guys on Tinder using only Lorelai Gilmore quotes, and I was a little bit jealous of her ingenuity.) Please let me know I’m not alone!