The long-awaited part-two of my two-part series on Billy is here, guys – are you ready? It’s about to get crazy…
When we last left 21-year old me and Billy, he and I were heading off to lunch after a sermon that I will never remember. I jumped into his huge truck (again, NAIVE. Aka, just plain stupid. Honestly, it’s a miracle and a testament to God’s grace that I survived those first 2-3 months of grad school), and we headed over to Chili’s – partly because that was the only restaurant I knew how to get to, and partly because who doesn’t like Chili’s?
As we were talking – about who knows what; I babble when I’m uncomfortable – Billy starts telling me about his glory days of young adulthood. In the 80s. When he told me something he’d done in 1986, I couldn’t keep it in any longer, and gently (probably not) blurted out, “I was 1 then…” Y’all, I knew this guy was older than me, but I’m sure his profile said 27 or something. Not 47.
As the conversation went on, Billy started telling me about his kids. I was aware they existed, but I did not know that they were 11 and 12 years old. Apparently, I was closer to the kids ages than his. The longer this guy talked, the older he seemed to get, until I was beginning to feel like we were rivaling Hugh’s age gaps:
After lunch, and because apparently I am a glutton for punishment, Billy suggested we go see a movie and I agreed. The theater was in a small mall, and since we had a little time to kill before the movie, we started walking around the shops. We passed a jewelry store, and Billy stops and says in all seriousness, “Let’s go in and see if I can figure out what kind of ring you would like.”
WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?!
I’ve been on some other bad dates, but taking me to a jewelry store on the first one is by far the most bizarre thing that happened. To add insult to injury, Billy walked over to the counter, and picked out this skinny yellow gold band with a tiny diamond solitaire, convinced he’d found the winner. It looked a little like this:
Since you’re reading my blog, I’m guessing you know me well enough to know that Billy was a bit off the mark. I said, “no, not that one”, walked over to the platinum counter, and picked out something more along the lines of one of these:
What Billy said after that is a bit fuzzy, but the man working the counter was laughing at us. Fortunately, that got us out of the store pretty quickly. We went and watched our movie – Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Why I remember that, I have no idea. It was not a good movie. And, finally, it was time to go.
I don’t remember Billy trying a good night kiss, which was good. At 21, I still hadn’t kissed anyone, and I wouldn’t have wanted to use my first kiss on him, so it could have gotten (even more) awkward really fast. Billy dropped me off at my car and drove off to Connecticut, and I was free.
To his credit, Billy actually was very sweet and complimentary; he paid for everything and treated me with respect the whole time. It was just readily apparent that we were not a good match, and who in the world takes someone to a jewelry store on a first date!? Also, don’t lie about your age on a dating profile, buddy. Or your ponytail. People are going to figure it out.
Surprisingly, Billy did ask for a second date, and I made up some lame excuse about being allergic to horses and him being super into them (which was true, but probably not an insurmountable obstacle), and that was the end of that. He went on to buy an engagement ring for another first date, I’m sure, and I went on to dates with many, many more not-quite-as-advertised online profiles. But, those are stories for another day.
Have a great weekend everyone, and don’t forget to leave me some of your crazy dating stories!